Cats Journal

Thanks for the replies guys. Jack is back to hobbling around again. He's back on the painkillers. It's back to the Vet Tuesday for him and weds for Missy-the-pain

My mood's picking up, but I did get a little tearful today. It's sad to watch Missy's personality change. She was always an adorable cat and so special because I hand reared her from a couple of days old, but her personality has changed beyond recognition. I can only hope that things change for her after the op to remove the thyroids.

Feel for you Cat xxxxx

I cannot exactly say that I am depressed, but still live with this persistent flat mood, and daily battling apathy. This is a new experience and can only guess it comes from the reduction of Antidepressants - 30mg to 15mg Mirtazapine. I've lost track of how long I've been consistently taking 15mg, probably 4-5 weeks.

It's got me wondering about my relationship with Antidepressants and whether the bipolar diagnosis is altogether true. This is something to explore with my Psychiatrist on her return from holiday in 3-4 weeks.

Last night I was planning something I'm currently writing about. It got me thinking about aspects of life that have been incredibly difficult. The memories are enough to pull the hardened down. Hardly surprising I avoid dealing with them.

I avoid therapy like the plague. Recently, I've been wondering if true recovery from painful and traumatic memories is similar to addiction problems; we need to hit rock bottom before the willpower to change comes into play. Often, the past feels like a weight around my neck.

I suppose I am grateful not to feel suicidal. Life tends to bounce from one extreme to the other and, along the way; I seem to have been wrapping myself in cotton wool. These days, little gets done if it means facing the slightest challenge. There's no motivation or enthusiasm

What I have come to realise in recent years, is that there is no point struggling against depression. When a blip in the journey takes the feet from me, it's best to strive for acceptance, rather than feeling angry and resentful for being this way. From experience, I know that I can awaken tomorrow to an entirely different perspective. Depression always feels as if it is a separate entity that occasionally comes to visit like one of those difficult family members.

I'm not sure I was necessarily feeling better on the AD's. My aggression has completely gone, I am back in non-confrontational mode and, TBH, I'd rather feel like this than be growling all the time

I do need to see things changing and they certainly weren't going anywhere in recent years. Maybe I'll end up on another AD, but I'd rather not.

Cat, I live with a constant flatness, apart from the occasional bit of energy. My problem is that Prozac made me manic but got rid of the flatness. Anyhow my psychiatrist is unwilling to try any more antidepressants & instead replace them with lamotrigine.

I also wonder about bipolar from time to time, but for me there are distinct periods of energy, irritability etc amongst the flatness. As I explain to my psych, I feel that I always live slightly low, she says that's common.

You have also had a lot to contend with that is bound to have dragged your mood down.

Take care xxxx

Thanks Zaf and BC. This is the first I've been on such a low dose of AD's and this is also the first when I've had to contend with a persistent low. My Psychiatrist is on holiday, so probably won't get the chance to see her for another 3-4 wks, if lucky

Had Missy cat at the Vet's.  Blood taken for thyroids and kidneys.  Hopefully, they'll agree to do an op.  jack is booked in for tomorrow and will no doubt be jumping over everyone, as if nothing is wrong.  He is off the painkillers and I'm now convinced it is a problem with energy levels.  I think they'll agree to blood tests

As for me...?  I'm much the same...flat as a pancake and wanting to sleep a lot, but still feeling grateful for not being in the depths...