going backwards
Oct 25, 2013 14:39:04 GMT 1
Post by tharidler on Oct 25, 2013 14:39:04 GMT 1
hi everyone
in recent times I have not been that bad and my therapist has felt that I have been doing really well I had my meds upped at my request and my wife feels that it has had a positive effect anyway as often is the way the good is outweighed by the bad whilst I understand things a lot better than I ever have it still seems impossible to prevent or alleviate the effects that these strong emotions have on me I have even tried positive reinforcement but I have been told that my detached protector is so practised and so strong that it just overrides anything I try I have been reassured that with time this will change but and I know this is negative but how much time is long enough I mean I have been in therapy for around six years but the foundations to my problems were laid some thirty odd years ago will it take that long to break them down I have always understood it will take time but I feel I have been stuck in some horrible sort of limbo I have even flirted with thoughts of hypnosis to see if that could help but the more research I have done the more I realise I would have to open up to this person and it took a long time to trust my therapist so what hope is there where possible I try to take advice if it is something I haven't tried which is why after discussing my fear of dying I tried to read some suggested books and authors but all that has happened is that I have become confused many people suggested Eckhart tolle I have tried and tried but it feels like I may as well be reading an instruction manual to service a fighter jet i'm not sure whether it is a problem with my intellect or whether my detached protector is working overtime for some reason but I simply cannot digest these books for some reason this all gives strength to my fear of death I know this is a problem suffered since the dawn of man but I cannot move past it and this is making my existence miserable I am also going through a period of self doubt and loathing that is never ending I fail to see the good in myself even when offered proof I just mentally dance around the issues and refuse to believe them some days it is hard to see the point in living like this as I believe I am not living and certainly not enjoying the things I should and in my mind I am just waiting to die and whats the point in that !!!
in recent times I have not been that bad and my therapist has felt that I have been doing really well I had my meds upped at my request and my wife feels that it has had a positive effect anyway as often is the way the good is outweighed by the bad whilst I understand things a lot better than I ever have it still seems impossible to prevent or alleviate the effects that these strong emotions have on me I have even tried positive reinforcement but I have been told that my detached protector is so practised and so strong that it just overrides anything I try I have been reassured that with time this will change but and I know this is negative but how much time is long enough I mean I have been in therapy for around six years but the foundations to my problems were laid some thirty odd years ago will it take that long to break them down I have always understood it will take time but I feel I have been stuck in some horrible sort of limbo I have even flirted with thoughts of hypnosis to see if that could help but the more research I have done the more I realise I would have to open up to this person and it took a long time to trust my therapist so what hope is there where possible I try to take advice if it is something I haven't tried which is why after discussing my fear of dying I tried to read some suggested books and authors but all that has happened is that I have become confused many people suggested Eckhart tolle I have tried and tried but it feels like I may as well be reading an instruction manual to service a fighter jet i'm not sure whether it is a problem with my intellect or whether my detached protector is working overtime for some reason but I simply cannot digest these books for some reason this all gives strength to my fear of death I know this is a problem suffered since the dawn of man but I cannot move past it and this is making my existence miserable I am also going through a period of self doubt and loathing that is never ending I fail to see the good in myself even when offered proof I just mentally dance around the issues and refuse to believe them some days it is hard to see the point in living like this as I believe I am not living and certainly not enjoying the things I should and in my mind I am just waiting to die and whats the point in that !!!
I found the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying very helpful but I know it may actually have the opposite effect for some people. 
