been away couldn't cope
Aug 25, 2013 12:51:28 GMT 1
Post by tharidler on Aug 25, 2013 12:51:28 GMT 1
hi everyone
can I first of all say thank you to those of you that have shown concern and thank you to shazzy for reaching out sadly you have done more than my parents ever did just by asking about me i'm sorry for not thinking about saying anything to anyone but I know you will all understand at how we can be selfish sometimes without really thinking now I have been struggling a lot with anxiety as well as the depression thoughts of self harm and sadly once again suicide has reared its ugly head I made a mistake stopping one set of meds but I forgot another set had been halved so I caused myself some problems in that department without realising it have now rectified that and increased them again I have still been doing my therapy and my psychologist assures me i'm doing well and progressing but I feel sometimes i'm not and actually going backwards although I do in moments of clarity I do realise i'm doing better and some things I have blocked I now remember although things are not always cut and dry I am learning I think that as always part of the problem is to limit expectations I have been in therapy for about six years and it seems a long time to be where I am also whilst we make progress in some areas and I do understand my fear of death is rooted in my past it seems to always be there as a result I struggle to get to sleep every night and also the children do not help in the sleep department I know that a lot of what i'm saying I have said before but I wanted to recap some of these things as these are the things that have consistently caused me issues I have tried to remain open minded in regards to reading about religions and other ideas on existence and so on but the fact remains I find no comfort and just suffer fear that reduces me to the nine year old that realised we all cease to exist there was a time I was able to lock this all away but apparently they don't recommend large amounts of Bacardi and coke to forget so I prefer to stay sober nowadays for no other reason than I know that was avoidance and in reality only delayed what would happen and as a result of all these things I have become disillusioned with the process and because of that some darker things have been able to rear their heads again in truth I am really struggling but I don't know how to vocalise whats in my head at the moment I hope this at least explains some of what i'm going through and you can understand a little why I have been distant also just looking at posts was upsetting me I hope you are well
can I first of all say thank you to those of you that have shown concern and thank you to shazzy for reaching out sadly you have done more than my parents ever did just by asking about me i'm sorry for not thinking about saying anything to anyone but I know you will all understand at how we can be selfish sometimes without really thinking now I have been struggling a lot with anxiety as well as the depression thoughts of self harm and sadly once again suicide has reared its ugly head I made a mistake stopping one set of meds but I forgot another set had been halved so I caused myself some problems in that department without realising it have now rectified that and increased them again I have still been doing my therapy and my psychologist assures me i'm doing well and progressing but I feel sometimes i'm not and actually going backwards although I do in moments of clarity I do realise i'm doing better and some things I have blocked I now remember although things are not always cut and dry I am learning I think that as always part of the problem is to limit expectations I have been in therapy for about six years and it seems a long time to be where I am also whilst we make progress in some areas and I do understand my fear of death is rooted in my past it seems to always be there as a result I struggle to get to sleep every night and also the children do not help in the sleep department I know that a lot of what i'm saying I have said before but I wanted to recap some of these things as these are the things that have consistently caused me issues I have tried to remain open minded in regards to reading about religions and other ideas on existence and so on but the fact remains I find no comfort and just suffer fear that reduces me to the nine year old that realised we all cease to exist there was a time I was able to lock this all away but apparently they don't recommend large amounts of Bacardi and coke to forget so I prefer to stay sober nowadays for no other reason than I know that was avoidance and in reality only delayed what would happen and as a result of all these things I have become disillusioned with the process and because of that some darker things have been able to rear their heads again in truth I am really struggling but I don't know how to vocalise whats in my head at the moment I hope this at least explains some of what i'm going through and you can understand a little why I have been distant also just looking at posts was upsetting me I hope you are well
poor you, what's up with your arm. You are really going through a tough time. ((((( hugs ))))) x